"The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."-George Bernard Shaw

Part 1:

Just for fun:  I’m pointing at you, then my eyes, then my blog post on your computer screen. Then I point at you, smile, and hold my hands together, flat, like a prayer, and then curl my fingers and wriggle them to imitate typing, then grin, again, sheepishly this time, raising my shoulders as if in question.  I hope you understand, and can deduce the results I am looking for. 

This experiment was semi-frustrating for me, and very entertaining for my partners in intercourse. (Haha, perked up there a little, didn’t you?) Intercourse simply means “conversation” . Yes, definition #3 has also become a common variation, but the adjective “sexual” usually precedes it, so I’ve written off its standalone value.

  

in·ter·course   [in-ter-kawrs, -kohrs] noun

1. dealings or communication between individuals, groups, countries, etc.

2. interchange of thoughts, feelings, etc.

3. sexual relations or a sexual coupling, especially coitus.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/intercourse

I’m off topic, so I’ll move on… (Point at my friend, nod, point at my friend’s brand new car, nod, point at me, smile, make steering wheel imitation with my hands, smile bigger.)  My friend is already shaking her head, saying “No, no, NO!” and flailing her arms back and forth across her body to demonstrate the degree and depth of her answer before  I can even twist my finger from her shiny new SUV toward myself.  That killed all of about 30 seconds.   14 minutes and 30 seconds to go…

Honestly, once we got off of the “staged” conversation idea and the other two participants were carrying on an exciting conversation about their drive home from their camping trip, where they encountered snow, it flowed better.  However, I found that by the time wanted to interject something, I had to quickly calculate a method in which to demonstrate my intended contribution, then abruptly signal them to stop talking so that I could provide input consistent with the flow of the discussion (since earlier in our allotted time I missed the topic I was addressing in the conversation, and they had to backtrack just so that I could feel included) and act out my idea, I was frustrated with the inefficiency of the dilemma, and they were laughing at my reaction! Whew!  Eventually they just inserted pauses at strategic points in the conversation, to allow me to “catch up”-I was begrudgingly waited for, included simply out of pity!  I also noticed that since I was communicating through facial and hand gestures, and body language, that they seemed to mirror this increase when they responded to me, relying more on expression and hand movements than usual. 

I imagine that if we were representatives of two different cultures, the culture in possession of the ability to use complex spoken language would perceive my culture, reliant on physical gestures, as a much less intelligent variation.  Certainly the advantage is held by the culture that has developed advanced linguistics, since they are able to communicate much more thoroughly, instead of just saying the basics, as I did in the experiment. Trust me, I wasn’t saying any more than I felt I HAD to.  This really makes you focus on the important facts or details, and leave out all the adjectives and other extras.  This experiment also opened my eyes to the fact that I need to listen better. Effective communication is very reliant on listening, and comprehension of the meaning of the words and gestures being shared. During this time, I was too busy trying to anticipate where the conversation would go so that I could be prepared for the next subject, or thinking about what I was going to say next, to really understand the complete picture of what the others were trying to share with me.

Examples of people unable to use spoken language to communicate include infants or young children, or sufferers of medical problems such as stroke victims.  In order to effectively interact with these individuals, we must modify our approach not only while talking to each other.  In some cases we must reflect on how our individual (or generalized-either can be detrimental) biases and predispositions alter our perception, in order to increase self-awareness of our own (potentially limited) level of understanding of another's basic needs/functions and apply those to the circumstances surrounding each occasion.

Also, people from different cultures with different complex languages can be difficult to address as well. I ran into a situation last week in which I was trying to sell tires to a consumer who spoke only Farsi.  They brought no translator, and didn’t even quickly jot down the size info, and didn’t have the car present they wanted to buy tires for.  My tire salesperson ordered him tires that would have suited the original requirements for size and type on that vehicle. The tires arrived, and the man’s wife came in to have them installed 2 days later.  She was furious when I told her we could not install the 15 inch tires on her 18 inch aftermarket wheels.  It was impossible for us to understand, without comprehending each others’ language, and without the ability to reference the vehicle, what his needs were…they left without re-ordering, very upset with our customer service…what could I have done?

Part II.

I was able to last 15 minutes in verbal-only speech.  It was difficult because I kept having to start over, after realizing that I had my hands in the air, or furled my eyebrows, or raised just the left one (as apparently is my trademark, I discovered).  My partners in this conversation had to pay very close attention to my words since (as much as I could) I tried to disguise any emotion or inflections in my voice.

I noticed that my son, Zack, closed his eyes as he listened to me, in order to focus on what I was saying, while my mom had to visually focus on my lips as they moved in order to understand. 


This form of communication was tedious, since once I had described an event or situation, I also had to explain how I felt about it (without emotion in my voice) instead of my audience already being able to deduce this from the expression in my face and body as usual. 


Non-speech language techniques are imperative in effective communication, but can also be detrimental to our desired meaning if others perceive negative body language or facial expression. 

Children, I believe, have trouble reading body language, or not as effectively as an educated or experienced adult, anyway.  As a result of this lack of "filter" capabilities, it has become a common saying that "Kids say the darndest things" in response to questions or conversations with similar sounding words, or words with multiple definitions.

Sometimes we have to rely on verbal speech only, when reading body language. For example, people with current injuries, or even permanent handicaps (i.e. quadriplegia), are disinclined or even unable to perform the basic functions that would allow them to use this mode of communication. 

The benefit of the ability to perceive and translate body language as a form of communication is immeasurable within any relationship.  It allows the trained communicator to recognize signals and to be proactive in responding to their respective audience’s reactions, needs, wants, concerns, (mis)perceptions, etc.

Hmmm…environmental conditions in which NOT reading body language would be beneficial?  I remember visiting my grandfather in the hospital when I was very young…probably 4 or 5 years old.  I knew that my family was sad that he was sick, but I was unable to perceive the depth of emotion in their body language and expression…. Looking back on my memory now, having experienced loss, and developed my ability to perceive the lack of hope and the inability to accept his loss…the search for peace in coping with the resignation that he was not going to be there forever like he said he would…. I think I would like to be unaware of the weight, the gravity of the situation and the static within the dense air of morale, in circumstances such as these.  However, this ability evolved with a purpose. It comes in handy often, and as a survival instinct, is obviously more beneficial to own than discard.

In conclusion, if we analyze the level of reliance we place on the human use of symbolic language within cultures and physical communications worldwide, this ability has evolved from a habitual degree of expression to an obligate one.  Yes, there are cultural differences and unique circumstances that can make communication difficult, but even Helen Keller, with no sight or sound, was able to learn to effectively communicate. Go Humans!